I received a letter from the Regie Du Logement today telling me that I am obligated to appear before a judge
to argue my case against the landlords. The court date is the same day I am scheduled to sing in at a festival in Toronto.

I called the landlord to clarify whether or not I actually had to appear or if this was over the money that I no longer owed him and he launched into some good old fashioned, high volume blame and mud slinging.
When he was done I asked simply,

“Is this about the money or or you trying to evict me?”

He hollered some more and told me that he warned me he would do this if I didn’t pay and then eventually confirmed that yes, he and his wife are taking me to court to have me evicted on account of late rent payments.

The thing is, I was at a bit of a loss as to why he was screaming at me. *I paid my debt to him in full, he has had the rent for July in hands since June 27th.

I might add, he was as pleased as a pig in mud when I handed him the money, all full of smiles of sweetness.
He was also with a contractor who was measuring the front balcony.

“We’re building a new one!” he boasted proudly.

Interesting, considering he and his wife are justifying having me kicked out, on the grounds that I have caused them financial ruin by being weeks behind in the rent.

Maybe they found one of those free contractors that just goes around donating time, energy and lumber to random homeowners who desperately need bigger balconies on their rentals.

At any rate, looks like we’re headed to continue this party in front of a judge on July 22nd.

In the meantime I guess I should get to work organizing my house, purging and what-have-you. Might as well get the place in an easy-to-pack-in-the-event-of-a-midnight-move state.

If the judge rules in favour of the landlords I’m going to have a much easier packing job.

If he rules in mine, I might actually be able to walk from one end of the house to other without tripping through the river of useless crap that seems to flow so freely throughout the house.

Am I really going to buy another VCR to play these hundreds of tapes on?

“Oh god! I couldn’t sleep all night, I just kept tossing and turning and writhing in grief, I’ve just GOT to get that copy of Back To The Future on VHS back!”

I can’t even remember what’s in some of these boxes. I’m pretty sure that the chances of me missing any of it are pretty slim.
In fact I have owned things for years, that I still don’t know what they are.

Examples:

We have these tiny springs on stands that I am assuming are egg cups, but only because there are six of them.

Reasons to let them go:

1) I’m not sure if that’s really what they are.
2) Even if they are egg cups, I don’t eat eggs.

Ok… that was easy. Let’s do another one.

I own a ceramic square with 20 ceramic fingers sticking out of it. It might be a ring holder except that the fingers
are so fat that no rings fit on them.

Reasons to throw it out

1) I’m not sure what to do with it

Reasons to keep it:

1) My dad gave it to me for Christmas
2) It looks cool
3) It’s an excellent conversation piece

I own an aluminum thing that looks like a cake pan but is too fragile to cook in. This leads me to believe it is a jello
mold. However! It is shaped like a fish. Who makes fish flavoured jello?

Reasons to throw it out:

1) None

Reasons to keep it.

1) It’s vintage

2) It’s shiny

3) It’s amazing and full of of all kinds of awesome.

We have a set of these tiny battery operated machines that look like fans on plastic clothes pegs but aren’t actually big enough to create
any kind of ventilation. I thought they might be lint removers but the minute you press them against your sweater,
they stop working.

Reasons to throw them out:

1) They’re stupid and possibly useless.

Reasons to keep them:

1) What if we have hamsters one day and there’s a heat wave?
2) I could clip them all along the hem of a skirt and just stand around all Marilyn Monroe style, but without the stench of sewer wafting up from the sidewalk grate.

OK, so the VHS tapes are evicted, as are the egg springs. The ceramafingers can stay, at least long enough to prove their worthiness.
The Fish Jello Mold can stay but it goes up on the wall and the mini fan skirt is what I am planning to wear to court on the 22nd.

They can evict me if they want to but I’m not leaving without fucking with their heads first.

* I have some of the most amazing, generous, caring, helpful, superhero friends and family members in the whole and entire world. I am so absolutely overwhelmed by their support. Some sent money, some job listings, chants, prayers, strength, validation and words of encouragement.
I can’t wait to be feeling better and back to myself so I can show you all the appreciation you deserve.