I probably should have known when reception demanded at your arrival,
“HOW MANY CLASSES HAVE YOU DONE TODAY?”
that you were going to be an annoyance but I was in my own head.

I was trying to find focus, preparing for Zen, becoming aware of my breath,
wondering if I was going to be the fattest person in the class,
wondering whether or not to wear underwear under my yoga shorts…

Speedo guy, it was a Yin class. Yin is all about long holds done in silence.
There is no perfect pose, you are encouraged to be in total comfort with no muscular strain.

Therefore, arguing with yourself that you can’t do the poses was totally unnecessary.
You were free to do modified versions, you were free to lay on your mat, sweating and painlessly slurping on your juice box.

You were free to leave at any time.

Also, the faux Ujjayi/inuit throat singing was a little over the top.
I honestly couldn’t tell if you were pretending to be a yoga guru or not but if you were, crying
“ouch! Ouch! Oh my god, ow.. I can’t!! OW!” kind of gave you away.

I’m just saying.

* drinking that much juice is really bad for you. It contributes to high blood pressure,obesity, dental cavities, stomach ulcers, gastrointestinal problems, diabetes, socially inappropriate behaviour and has been known to contribute to participation in heinous crimes against fashion.
Drink water.