Baby New Year

Posted on January 2, 2011 by Jennifer June (admin)

A new partner is exhilarating but comes with inhibition and caution.

There’s this whole courtship involved. It’s exciting but I feel like I have to approach with tenderness and sensitivity that I am not accustomed to. This isn’t a bad thing. It heightens mindfulness and appreciation.

When I touch you I am aware of every curve and crevasse. I explore every inch of you with wonder and adoration.

That having been said, I kind of can’t wait till I’m used to this and can treat you like a real girlfriend. You know, manhandle you without hesitation, call you my bitch and make you sleep in the wet spot.

You’re so perfectly beautiful.

Handcrafted and photographed by Richard Chapman

Jennifer June

Did I do that?

Posted on December 31, 2010 by Jennifer June (admin)

There are the days that you accidentally imply that your children have personality “issues” … to their face.

There are the days that you wish you children didn’t look so much like their father so you could pretend that they were accidentally switched at birth and due for a return.

There are days when your kids make you so mad that you might find yourself saying things that you never in a million years imagined saying to your children.

“Because I’m the mom”
“Because I said so”
“Because if you don’t get out of my site right this minute I am afraid I might hurt you”
“You were switched at birth/adopted/an accident ”
“Mommy drinks because you make her cry”

etc…

There are days when you look into your child’s glazed over, blood shot eyes and remember when you gazed into them as the adoring mother of a precious new born baby.

There are days when you look into your teenager’s glazed over, blood shot eyes and remember that smacking sense into them is pointless when their as high as the fireworks on the fourth of July. And also, it’s a tiny bit illegal

There may be days when you literally run away from home in tears because you just can’t take one more second of it.

“You’re the meanest mom in the whole world!”
“I hate you!”
“You’re crazy!”

etc…

There are days when you feel like you’re talking to Satan himself and wondering… Am I the worst mom in the whole world? Did I create this myself? Really? Did I do this?

There are days when you see that same child, in their grandfather’s workshop, working her fingers to the bone, building a gorgeous creative masterpiece and you think…

Did I do that?

All photos ©Richard Chapman and Cloee Cuzner

Jennifer June

My boobs are so happy!

Posted on July 20, 2010 by Jennifer June (admin)

My boobs are so happy!!

I have never won anything in my whole and entire life until Corinna at This Lush Life announced that I am the winner of THIS Playtex Bra Giveaway.

How freakin’ cool is that? I’m so excited I could barf!

Obviously I am totally going to post like a thousand photos of my boobs in various positions (yes they can do that, they are almost 40 years old after all) from various angles, in various moods, in my brand new Playtex bra, as soon as I receive it.

Thank you Corinna!

Thank you This Lush Life!

Thank you A Celebration of Curves!

Thank you from me and my happy boobs!

Jennifer June

Surprise!

Posted on July 18, 2010 by Jennifer June (admin)

So here’s the thing…

I have all these little projects in the works right now, that I am super excited about, including a very special and super secret surprise one that I CAN’T WAIT to show you guys. For real, It’s making me a little nuts, keeping my mouth shut.

It’s a bit of a stressy week starting tomorrow, practice, practice, write, practice, the impending court date with the landlord on Thursday morning, followed by a mad dash for Toronto, the minute the judge announces that my brood and I are tossed to the curb. I’m only going so I can find out how many days I have left to pack up the truckloads of useless crap that I have accumulated over the years but refuse to let go of, on account of my abandonment issues combined with a deep seeded, ego driven need to collect proof souvenirs of all past worship memories.

Then off to the Toronto Burlesque Festival with 3 fellow burlesque babes. Because if a car full of tasell twirling yahoos, pumped up on freedom, glitter and highway coffee, on their way to rip it up for four days in a pile of booze, boobs and rhinestones isn’t one hell of a road trip what is? WHAT IS?

When I get back I start packing up my palace and searching for a new one. MOVE I love moving. I really do. So do my kids. We’re like a little pack of gypsies.

I don’t love looking for a new apartment. I don’t love competing with other potential tenants who have impeccable credit and a full month deposit hiding their pocket, for the home I want.

I really don’t love looking at shit hole apartments with half the bedrooms than what was advertised in the listing, 6 or 16 blocks east of where it was supposedly located, for $200.00 more than it was listed for. I’m not a huge fan of peeling linoleum or parkay floors and rotting cupboards littered with mouse droppings and cockroach cadavers. I REALLY ESPECIALLY don’t love taking the bus half way across town in a heat wave to a potential place, only to find out that the owners either forgot to show up or, even better, gave the apartment to a nice couple just yesterday (oops sorry!)

But I do love christening exploring, decorating and celebrating in a new home. I also love waking up and having my first coffee in our new place, looking around thinking… I wonder how long this one will last I live here now.

It’s like traveling, only… not.

So, yes…. Court, Burlesque Festival, house hunting, working my ass off on my new, fantastic, super secret surprise project that I CAN’T WAIT to tell you about AND the super awesome act that I am writing for the September 22 Blue Light Burlesque show at Café Campus this fall. It’s going to be my bravest performance ever and you’ll only know why if you come.

Oh! And my book! I have over 37,000 words written. Can you believe it? OK, I know, after edits that works out to about 97 pages but still! Woohooo!

In the middle of all this (16 short days from today) is my birthday and I am going to be 40 big, fat years old. I know right? How do I stay acting looking so young?

My secret: Pure, unbridled immaturity I bathe in rain water, painstakingly collected by hand from the clogged sewer grates in the alley, exfoliate with dog dander and wash my hair in the vomit of dung beetles. There you go. You have the key to eternal youth in your hands and you didn’t even have to pay 4 weekly payments of $19.99 for it.

SO! For this big giant amazing 40th year of me gracing the earth with my stunning good looks, infectious laughter and addictive charm, I am going to have a big giant amazing surprise birthday party for myself and you are all invited. The biggest surprise of course, will be where this smashing shindig will be located what with us being semi-homeless and all. I’ll have to keep you posted on that one.

I’ll try to keep the blog updated while all of this is going on and I’ll try not to make every single post for the next two weeks about turning 40 but I can’t promise anything.

Love Jen.

Jennifer June