I am a horrible student. I don’t know why, or what’s wrong with me but I cannot study, I cannot do homework, assignments or anything else remotely academic. I just got through mid terms. I shouldn’t actually say that I got through them though because I failed all of them. Well, that’s not entirely true. I got an A in sight singing but you see. This is active. It is an act. It is the act of singing. It’s not the same it’s more like having somebody ask you to show them how to do something. It’s like the teacher asking me to show her what the interval sounds like or maybe we’re playing music together? Sure, her keyboard is just establishing the key and the noise coming out of my mouth is only exactly what is written down on the paper, well, ideally anyway. But still, you know what I mean. Tonight, as a reward for physically living through mid terms, I decided to treat myself. I rented 3 count ‘em THREE movies with Jack Black in them. Just when I thought I had seen them all. I didn’t buy any junk food either. No Toblerone, no almond Glosettes, no popcorn. I would eat a healthy meal and enjoy my movies. Ok.. It’s true I had a $10.00 bottle of depanuer wine and a bag of microwave popcorn at home, but I would eat the healthy meal first! So, I sautéed vegetables, cooked up some basmati and schezuane tofu and I watched Shallow Hal first. Intermission I’ll clean up the dinner mess before Jesus’ Son. I should probably take this time to point out the fact, in case the tofu wasn’t a tip off, that I am a vegetarian. I don’t eat animals, I don’t eat humans and I don’t eat bugs…on purpose that is. There wasn’t enough leftovers to keep for tomorrow so I started to scoop food into the garbage. This is when I noticed him. I think it was a him. It looked like a him anyway. He was huge. He was brown. He didn’t look like he had always been brown. He looked a shade of I’ve been sautéed and doused with soy sauce brown. His eyeballs were black and swollen. Really swollen though, shiny and full. Maybe you can’t appreciate without having seen it yourself. In fact there was a part of me that didn’t understand why I almost threw up all over the kitchen upon realizing him. Even with the missing leg, I shouldn’t have been so totally nauseated. After all it was just a grasshopper. I cleaned out the aquarium to try and distract myself. I washed the dishes, to remove all evidence that dinner had even been prepared, or more importantly, that a living sacrifice had commenced. The more time I spent in the kitchen, the sicker I felt. Maybe homework would be a good idea. As I found myself with a sudden new interest in melodic Dictation, I thumbed through my notes. Still, I couldn’t help thinking…I mean really swollen, and where was that other leg anyway? I live in Montreal, the plateau. That’s basically downtown. Where the hell did that enormous beast of a bug come from in the first place? Don’t think about it. Study. Why is learning so hard? It’s OK. Just focus… and have patience little gras……ugh!!!!