Despite the obvious fame and fortune that comes with both single-parenting and blogging, I don’t actually seem to have any money.

I know. You’re all reeling in shock. I’ll give you a minute.

It’s weird because I work 45234525362564 hours a week and I’m so tired I can’t see straight and don’t seem to have 5 minutes to myself ever – yet there’s no money in the bank.

It’s a little distressing and certainly makes luxuries like diamonds, an in-ground pool, and taking the kids to the dentist out of the question for the moment but I’m working on it.

On top of my day job, I have a couple of part time jobs to try and supplement my income a little.

One of these jobs I’ve only had for a few months, during most of which I had this nagging suspicion that one of my supervisors does like me.

Since that’s clearly impossible because – Who in their right mind wouldn’t be head over heals in love with me – I decided that I was being paranoid and weird and tried to push away the negative thoughts that were feeding my suspicion.

But… weird things kept happening, this supervisor kept blocking me when I was trying to get things done. She kept creating paperwork for me designed to monitor my every breath during working hours. She would book meetings with people that I had told her that I had scheduled meetings with – making me look unprofessional and clueless when I showed up only to find she had already been there.

Then there were the missing paychecks that I was assured were sent to me and told to “Check your mailbox again” that either wouldn’t show up or would show up post-marked and dated the day AFTER she told me “It was sent to you two weeks ago” etc…

But I kept on,

“Jen, you’re being paranoid. Why would she be trying to push you out? She hired you after all I mean… You’re probably just stressed.. tired… crazy…”

Just before Christmas it had gotten to the point where I was ready to hand in my resignation because it just wasn’t worth the couple of dollars a week it was bringing in.

But I decided to reflect over the holidays instead of being impulsive.

Upon reflection I decided to get re-railed, focused and put the energy into doing an amazing job until my contract was finished in the spring – Not letting my supervisor’s weird behaviour to get to me.

But instead. I received a phone call from said supervisor informing me that I was fired.

Effective immediately.

I simply responded,

“I understand. Thank you for calling.”

Part of me was relieved.

All the appointments and upcoming tasks (for that particular organization) in my agenda could be deleted – just like that.

That was a breath of fresh air – right there.

Also, as of that very moment I would no longer have to hold myself accountable to somebody I felt was sabotaging my efforts.

Another big breath.

But still, my ego was a little bruised feelings were a little hurt.

I have NEVER in my life EVER been fired from anything EVER.

I’m not going to pretend that I was doing an amazing job.

I wasn’t.

I could have worked much harder.

But at the same time, It was hard to stay motivated while being micromanaged by somebody who wouldn’t even send me the contact information for the people she wanted me to call, or who was lying to me about my pay, or who was making me look like a fool in front of my peers.

I know it’s immature of me to react to that stuff or point fingers to justify my lack of enthusiasm.

But I’m immature that way.

My contract cancellation letter arrived in the mail a couple of days ago, without my T4 and without my severance pay – surprise!

One of the reasons stated for the termination of contract was “There was a lack of initiative, commitment and motivation on your part.”

This got me thinking.

I think it would be fair to say that there is a general lack of initiative, commitment and motivation on my part in most aspects of my life.

How awesome would it be if I could fire myself?

Hear me out.

What if I could hire somebody else to replace me?

Preferably somebody who sleeps nights or tolerates narcotics better than I do. Somebody with boundless energy and self-worth who doesn’t suffer from insecurity induced paralysis. Somebody who trusts their gut instead of crazy-making perhaps…

A background as a costume designer/professional dancer or Olympic athlete would definitely count as an asset and somebody with a buddy pass (or 4 so I could bring the kids) with an airline (or a sugar daddy) so we could take a well needed vacation would also be worth consideration.

A part-time dentist is an instant hire. Cloee’s been gnawing on whole cloves for 3 days now.

And I PROMISE I will never ever overstep by showing up at their meetings or do their work for them or exert even an ounce of energy creating more work for them to do.

Promise.

Of course the pay and benefits would be the exact same as what I get for being me now so…

Any takers?